♪ Good times
♪ Any time You meet a payment ♪
♪ Good times
♪ Any time You need a friend ♪
♪ Good times
♪ Any time You're out from under ♪
♪ Not gettin' hassled Not gettin' hustled ♪
♪ Keepin' your head Above water ♪
♪ Makin' a wave When you can ♪
♪ Temporary layoffs
♪ Good times
♪ Easy credit Rip-offs ♪
♪ Good times
♪ Scratchin' And survivin' ♪
♪ Good times
♪ Hangin' In a chow line ♪
♪ Good times
♪ Ain't we lucky We got 'em ♪
♪ Good times
Wow, Keith.
This is just the middle of the afternoon.
Hey, I was just warming up for the Super Bowl tonight.
I thought we won last night.
That was a tie. Now we're into sudden death.
Yours or mine?
Okay, um, this time I'll kick it off.
All right.
Mmm. Spike the ball.
[LAUGHS]
You took it right into the end zone.
Okay, now are you tired?
Well, Keith's a little tired,
but there's a couple of substitutes
that's ready to come in, like this one.
[IMITATING CLARK GABLE] I love you, baby.
You can't cook chicken, beef or ham.
But, frankly, Scarlett, I don't give a damn.
[LAUGHS]
Let's see. That was Bill Cosby, right?
[IMITATING BILL COSBY] Right. You see,
I love your walk. It's cool and smooth as lotion.
But I've never seen a better backfield in motion.
Hey, hey, hey.
[DOOR OPENS]
All right, you two.
Last call for laundry.
I said, "Last call for laundry."
Thelma. Oh. Ha.
Oh, uh, Ma, I'm sorry.
I was a little distracted.
Yeah, you may have been a little distracted,
but you are hardly sorry.
Oh, it's all right. I know about newlyweds.
It's a beautiful feeling, isn't it?
It is beautiful. It really is.
Where's your laundry?
Oh, it's in a box next to the bed.
Yeah, I couldn't make it to the hamper.
On account of the leg, you know.
Right.
You want me to help you with the laundry?
No, no, sweetheart.
I'd like to finish today.
Now, Let me see. Where were we?
[CLEARS THROAT] Oh, yes.
[IMITATING JERRY LEWIS] Oh, Thelma, sweetheart, love of mine.
[GUFFAWS]
Oh, please.
Give me one more kiss, one more sublime.
[GUFFAWS]
Now, why don't I ever see
anything like this on Sesame Street?
[IMITATING BILL COSBY] That's because Big Bird can't pucker.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Hi, Willona. Hey.
[CLEARS THROAT LOUDLY]
There's people here.
Penny, why aren't you home watchin' Sesame Street?
Because Big Bird can't pucker.
What?
Come on, Mom, they're just messin' around.
"Messin' around"? Now, where'd you learn that?
The kids in school use it so they won't have to say sex.
That's not funny.
Now, Penny, I told you not to run around
with those kind of kids.
You have to pick your friends more carefully.
Hey, Willona, lighten up.
Hi, Willona. Hi, Penny.
Hi, Aunt Florida.
Uh, can I help you sort the laundry?
Oh, sure.
Never mind. I'll, uh, take care of that.
Come on, baby.
You take the laundry soap down to the laundry room for Mama.
Okay? Okay.
All righty.
You'd think you'd keep your intimate garments out of sight.
Intimate garments? Oh, you mean...
Oh, Keith's shorts?
I know what I mean.
Willona, can I ask you a personal question?
What are you so worked up about?
Are you aware of the things that's going on around here?
Like what?
Those two. Carrying on like, like...
Newlyweds?
Yes.
Well, that's because they are newlyweds.
What do you want 'em to do, arm wrestle?
It's practically a Roman orgy.
Willona, are you serious?
Yes, I am.
Does this go on all the time?
No, we break for lunch on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Come on. Let's go to our room, baby.
You mean, by ourselves?
Unless Willona wants to chaperone.
[LAUGHS]
Flo.
Willona, what's going on?
I'll tell you what's going on.
You know Penny's friend Tina, age 13, is pregnant?
Oh, no.
Yes, the babies are having babies now.
[SIGHS]
She had to drop out of school.
I'm worried sick about Penny.
She's growing up too fast. Asking questions.
Last month, she wanted to know about Peter Rabbit.
This month, it's the rabbit test.
Willona, I'm worried about Penny too.
But I think it's time you explained to her about sex.
Oh, honey, you're talking about my daughter.
[LAUGHS]
I'm not gonna explain that to her until she's ready.
Girl, this neighborhood is not a finishing school.
It's the ghetto.
Now, if you don't explain it to her,
she's gonna hear it in the street.
And she's gonna hear it wrong, and from the wrong people.
Remember, Willona,
I've been a mother for over 20 years to your one.
That's all well and good. I respect you for all that.
But if it's all the same to you,
I'd like to raise my daughter the way I want to.
Now you do me one favor and mind your own business.
Well, I guess I'll sort my laundry.
I'll help you.
Mama? Flo, is the bedroom door closed?
Willona, please.
Mama, I just remembered.
I need some gym shorts for school.
I'll get them for you this weekend, baby.
But I need them for tomorrow.
Well... Oh, it's okay.
I'll borrow some from my friend Tina.
Tina?
No, no, no.
Don't you go near Tina.
But, Mama, she's just my size, and she's my friend.
No, no. Stay away from that girl.
Maybe she's right, sweetheart.
They're having problems over there.
You see, Tina has... Stomach mumps.
Say what?
Stomach mumps, and it's very contagious.
Baby, now, she's really sick.
Promise me you'll stay away from her, understand? Stay away.
Okay. Okay.
[WHISPERS] "Stomach mumps"?
Willona. Tina is pregnant.
Shh.
Florida, I don't want her to hear that.
Hey, y'all, what's happening?
Oh, hi, J.J.
How'd your job interview turn out?
Well, Ma, there's good news and bad news.
The bad news is, somebody got hired just before me.
The good news is,
I got myself a date with the personnel director.
So while she's goin' over my forms,
I will be going over her forms.
That's it. That's it.
Come on, baby. Wait for Mama at home.
But I was just sittin' down.
That's all right, darling.
You go home now, please.
What'd I say?
Why can't you ever go job hunting
and come back unemployed,
like all the other black kids in Chicago?
Now you see what I'm talking about.
Oh, Willona, you know how J.J. is.
Yeah, just like everybody else these days.
Like the two kids on the bus this morning.
Couldn't have been no older than Penny.
And would you believe,
they were sittin' in the backseat,
huggin' and kissin' so fast and furious,
the bus driver could've stopped the bus
and coasted all the way across town on pure friction.
Well, if parents would take time
to teach their children about sex,
they wouldn't have to cheapen it on a bus.
WILLONA: What are you talking about, the parents?
They teach sex in school now.
They do?
Hey, I'm going back for my extra credit.
All right, Michael.
I was just joking, Ma. Hi, everybody.
Hey, Michael.
Hey, J.J., what's going on around here?
Well, they're talking about sex.
Is Mama for it?
Well, we're here. Figure it out.
Look, whatever they teach in school,
it's still the parents' final responsibility.
It's your duty to make sure
that Penny knows all there is to know about sex.
Now, wait just one minute.
I let her read the newspaper, look at television.
I buy her those little fancy T-shirts
with the names across the front.
Yeah, but all they have is a picture of Leon Spinks on 'em,
sayin', "Look, Ma, no cavities."
You know she's gonna learn
everything you're trying to shield her from,
right out of this... newspaper.
All she's gonna learn from that is how to make doilies.
Well, I may cut out an objectionable article
from time to time, but what is wrong with that?
I'll tell you what's wrong with that.
You're avoiding your responsibilities,
and you're blaming it on society and the schools.
That's right.
All the schools taught me was how to dissect frogs.
Yeah, and that don't come in handy
unless your old lady's got a thing for lily pads.
She is just 13 years old.
So Thelma was only 11 when I told her all about it.
And Michael was even younger than that.
How old was J.J.? Well, Michael,
now you're getting to an exceptional case.
Me and Ma sat down and had our first little "conflab"
when I was at the tender age of six and a half.
Six and a half.
You don't call that early?
Yeah, but Ma was always a good learner.
Michael. Yeah, Ma?
Don't you have some studying to do?
Oh, yeah, you're right.
I gotta go to the library and do some research.
Later, y'all.
J.J., I thought you had a date.
Oh, yeah, I do, Ma, with, uh, "Boom Boom" Belinda.
We're going over to the frog pond.
I'm gonna teach her the different croaks
for different folks.
Disgusting.
Oh, I am getting sick and tired
of this sudden puritan attitude.
I seem to recall, Ms. Woods,
that angels never sang when you crossed a floor either.
What are you talking about?
I'm talking about high school.
Oh, high school.
Yeah. You wore your sweater so tight,
you had to lift it up to inhale.
Me? What about you and Kinky Curly,
the football player?
But I also knew about real love when I met James.
And that's what you should be telling Penny about:
the difference between the two.
Oh, Florida. I'm getting sick and tired
of you telling me how to raise my daughter.
That goes with the light things.
Now you're mixing the light with the dark.
Florida, don't you understand
I don't want Penny to end up pregnant like Tina?
Since when does knowing about sex mean getting pregnant?
It's not knowing that does it.
Penny is my daughter and I'm gonna raise her properly.
I don't care how you raised your kids.
Are you saying that I raised my kids wrong?
I'm saying this house is a bad influence on my daughter,
and she may not come back in here no more.
Willona.
This is my laundry.
That's right. It's your laundry.
Take your laundry.
And I wouldn't let Penny back in this house again
if your teeth was gold and your last name was Carter.
Goodbye, Mother Goose.
Little lady who lives in a shoe,
got one child and don't know what to do.
[GASPS]
Okay, Michael. Give me another 10 pounds.
All right.
Hey, man, aren't you finished with that résumé yet?
Look, Keith, in today's world of business,
a man's "resume"
is his launching pad to the galaxy of opportunity,
his first base in the diamond of success,
his training bra on the Dolly Parton of employment.
What position are you applying for?
Lifeguard.
Lifeguard?
That's right, lifeguard.
Y'all heard it the first time.
Those girls will go mad when they see my body unclad.
Stick, every time you go in the water,
you'll be lucky if a dog don't bring you back
between his teeth.
[KNOCKING]
Hey, what know, folks? Ha-ha.
Hey, that was some fight your mama had with Ms. Woods.
Ooh-whee. Hey, wait a minute, Bookman.
Nobody else was supposed to know about that,
so how did you find out?
Well, you know, as they say, the walls have ears.
Yeah, and you're the wall that knows.
Are you saying that I listen to what goes on in here, lifeguard?
Bookman, what did you come up here to do us out of?
Oh, offhand, about $13.50.
What?
That's your share of the repainting costs.
Ms. Woods says she wants all the graffiti
on the walls in the elevator cleaned up.
No graffiti on the elevator?
Uh-uh. Hold on Bookman.
What are we gonna read on the two-hour trip
it takes to get up here?
Hey, look, Bookman, you can't erase that graffiti.
Some of that stuff is classic.
What's so classic about a naked woman eating grits?
Hey, come on.
I was only 12 years old when I painted that.
I didn't even know how to draw clothes then.
All I know is, you owe me $13.50.
Hey, come on, Bookman. You should he paying me.
One day I'm-a be as famous as Michelangelo.
People be comin' from miles around
to see the ceilings of J.J.'s Sistine Laundry Room.
Look, I'm just doin' a favor for Ms. Woods.
It's my good deed for the day.
Hey, you know something? I used to be a Cub Scout.
More like a "tub scout."
One more insult like that,
and I walk right out of that door.
All right, gimme a second. I'll think of one.
That's it.
How you think he would have felt about "jelly belly"?
He wouldn't have liked it.
Come on, Keith. It's time to go jogging.
[GROANS]
Here, J.J. Hold on to these.
[GROANING]
[LAUGHS]
You know, J.J., we gotta do something
to get Mama and Willona back together again.
I mean, they been friends for too long
to let a silly little argument break them up.
[STRAINED] Maybe we could get them to meet at the drugstore.
What would they be doing there?
Buying me a truss for my double hernia.
Michael, watch a real diplomat in action.
All right.
Oh, hello there, Ma.
Wonderful, cheery afternoon, isn't it?
Uh, would you like to sit down here?
Maybe you'd like to have some coffee, tea, milk.
Maybe some prewashed cornflakes?
Uh, Ma, it's about that little spat you had
with Willona yesterday.
Uh, y'all have been friends for years and years and years and...
Short years though. Very, very, short years indeed.
Mama, what I think J.J. is trying to say,
is that you and Willona have been friends for too long
to let this come between you.
I don't wanna hear any more about that woman.
Doesn't she know that each year,
a million teenage girls get pregnant in the country?
Imagine how many get pregnant in the city.
J.J., out of that million,
over 13,000 are 14 and under.
Now, it's a sad state of affairs
when kids have to guess about sex
because parents are too scared to face facts.
It just isn't right.
Hi.
Penny, what are you doing here?
Now, you know you shouldn't be here.
Well, I just came over to borrow some eggs.
I thought it would be okay if I didn't talk or look at anyone.
Then I guess it's all right.
Penny, how many eggs do you want?
I'll take a whole carton if you've got it.
Mommy gave me enough money to pay for them.
How come you just didn't go to the store and buy some?
I tried.
But I couldn't go in because Tina was there.
Penny, what does Tina have to do with this?
Mama didn't tell you?
You see, Tina's real sick,
and I'm not supposed to be around her
or else I can catch it.
Did your mother tell you that?
Uh-huh.
And it's real contagious too,
if you don't get your stomach-mumps shot.
"Stomach-mumps shots"?
Yeah, and Tina's got it real bad too,
'cause she gettin' real puffy right here.
To me, it looks like she's pregnant.
What did you say, Penny?
I said, it looks like she's pregnant.
You know about being pregnant?
[CHUCKLES] Sure.
Not much though.
Just what I hear the girls giggling about in school.
Sometimes I wanna ask them,
but then I feel sort of dumb about it.
Penny, baby.
You come over here and sit down.
Aunt Flo wanna tell you something.
You see, Penny, it's...
So you're here.
I told you I didn't want you to come in here anymore.
But I was just talking to Aunt Florida.
Okay, baby. Let's go home.
Okay,
but can I tell you that it's no fun bein' alone every day?
Sometimes I wish I had a baby.
Florida Evans, you told her to say that.
I did not.
And for your information,
Penny already knows more
than you give her credit for, Willona Woods.
What are you saying, Florida Evans?
I am saying, Willona Woods,
that your little fairy princess is waking up to the real world
while you are still having babies with stomach mumps.
Mrs. Evans, you don't tell a child
that her friend is pregnant.
It could cause her to have a trauma.
Oh, that's ridiculous.
It would sure give me one.
You don't mean you told her?
No, I didn't.
Penny told me.
She said Tina's puffy stomach made her look pregnant.
But she still doesn't know what she should.
And you was gonna tell her everything?
Yes, I was, because evidently, you weren't.
I told you, I would tell her when she was ready.
And I will decide when she's ready.
Me, not you.
Ladies, ladies, please.
Allow the Henry Kissinger of the ghetto to intervene.
Shut up, J.J. Shut up, J.J.
See, Michael?
I told you I'd get 'em to agree on one thing.
Come on, J.J., let's get out of here
and let Mother and Willona talk about this thing.
Oh, when she's ready, I will sit her down and talk to her.
"When she's ready."
Willona, you can't gain anything by letting a girl Penny's age
run around Chicago thinking that booster shots
will keep her stomach down.
How do I know that she won't get into the same problem
that Tina's in if I tell her what to do?
You're not telling her what to do.
You're explaining a very natural thing to her.
But if you keep on this way, she'll be scared to death.
She'll never know that it can also be beautiful.
Flo, I-I don't know.
I love my daughter. I care what...
Then for God's sakes, prepare her.
Don't just let her think her best friend has got
a six-pound, seven-ounce virus in her belly.
Flo... [SOBBING]
Penny, what... Mama.
Penny, what's wrong?
He wouldn't... He wouldn't give 'em to me.
Who wouldn't give what?
What's the matter? I went to get the gym shorts.
You went to Tina's?
No, you told me not to.
So I called someone else,
but she wasn't home.
So her brother brought them to me.
But when I met him in the hall,
he said he wouldn't give them to me if I didn't let him...
If I didn't let him...
Oh, baby, don't... Don't cry. Don't cry.
But why did he try to do that?
Did I do anything wrong?
I told him they would fit. I told him.
I told him they would fit.
Penny, did he... Did he...
I ran away from him.
Oh, thank God.
Flo, she's just a baby. A child.
No. She's a developing young woman.
And it's about time you give her all the information you can.
Now, she's had a terrible experience.
But you can't let her think that's all there is to sex.
In heaven's name, Willona,
take her home and talk to her now.
But I gotta... I'll call the police.
Okay.
You take her home.
Flo. Flo.
Well, just... Thank you.
It's all right, baby.
[♪♪♪]
♪ Mmm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm
♪ Just lookin' Out of the window ♪
♪ Watchin' the asphalt grow
♪ Thinkin' how It all looks hand-me-down ♪
♪ Good times ♪ Hey, yeah
♪ Good times
ANNOUNCER: Good Times is videotaped before a studio audience.
♪ Makin' a wave When you can ♪
♪ Temporary layoffs
♪ Good times