♪ Good Times
♪ Anytime You meet a payment ♪
♪ Good Times
♪ Anytime You feel free ♪
♪ Good Times
♪ Anytime you're Out from under ♪
♪ Not getting hassled Not getting hustled ♪
♪ Keeping your head Above water ♪
♪ Making a wave when you can
♪ Temporary layoffs
♪ Good Times
♪ Easy credit Rip-offs ♪
♪ Good Times
♪ Scratching And surviving ♪
♪ Good Times
♪ Hanging in A chow line ♪
♪ Good Times
♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em
♪ Good Times
ANNOUNCER: Now for the conclusion
of "J.J.'s New Career."
All right, J.J., get outta my room now.
I gotta get dressed, too, you know.
J.J.: In a minute, Thelma.
Look, you been in there an hour already.
How long does it take to cover those bones?
Relax, Thelma.
J.J.'s new job is very important to him.
He's only trying to look good.
Ma, I got no time for miracles.
And Michael, I need the bathroom, too.
Thelma, here's your makeup.
Put it on out there.
Oh, that's great,
and what am I supposed to put it on with?
Very cute.
Hey, hey.
[YELLING] J.J., get out of my room!
If you'd leave him alone, he'll get out sooner.
He can't just put on any old clothes
to go to work in an advertising agency.
Why not?
He only works in the art department.
Oh, Thelma. You should be proud of J.J.
He's turned out to be
the biggest breadwinner of us all.
Yeah, and he'll never let us forget it.
Well, well, well.
Just putting the finishing touches
on the finishing touches.
Yeah, just look at him.
All tan and tacky.
Thelma, a lot you know about clothes.
I'll have you know
this is the style of the future.
Oh, if you're talking about science fiction,
you're right.
Hey, Thelma,
this is a new international look.
This happens to be my international ensemble.
Combined here
is the tasteful understatement of the English,
the elegant flair of the French,
and the electric boogie-down of Harlem.
Oh, J.J., you look absolutely beautiful.
Say that again, Ma,
and the truth shall set you free.
My son, the big businessman.
Well, let's face it, Ma.
Some people got it,
and some people ain't got it.
And some people are full of it.
Now, Thelma, that's enough.
What do you want for breakfast, J.J.?
Aw, nothing, Ma.
I got a high-level business lunch today,
and I want to save room for the Egg McMuffin.
Michael, my attaché case, please.
Hey, J.J., this is a beauty, man.
It sure is, but it looks expensive.
Is that real leather?
Let me put it to you this way, Ma.
If it was any more real, you'd have to milk it.
[IMITATES COW MOOING]
J.J., you'd better be careful
how much money you're spending.
Don't worry, Ma, I got a good job.
Yeah, it's almost too good.
They sure are paying you a lot of money
for somebody with no experience.
[CLEARS THROAT] Uh, well,
uh, I guess it's getting a little late here, Ma.
Are you ready to go?
Oh, sure.
I'd like to show you off
to those women at the bus stop.
Well, well, well.
Let's get on our way, then.
Shall we?
Okay.
Well, as we say in the ad game,
let's put it on the bus
and see if it gets off at the loop.
All right, then, let's see, that was, uh,
35 bucks on Solid Greens to win.
Right?
Right. You got it. Later.
Hey, here, man, now count the 50s.
Hey, with pleasure, with pleasure.
One General Grant, two General Grant,
three General Grant...
George, what you doing in here?
You know, it takes 50 of you to make one General Grant.
No wonder you could only afford wooden teeth.
There you go, Leon.
All right.
Hey, Ernie, we got close to $3800 here.
Hey, uh, Leon,
I know what we doing is illegal,
but it ain't that bad, is it?
Of course not.
I mean, we don't hurt anybody.
I mean, the state runs lotteries, don't they?
And that's gambling, so why can't we?
Hey, that's what
free enterprise is all about.
Sure. ERNIE: Hey, Leon,
it's almost 3:00, man. We gotta split.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I forgot.
Hey, J.J, we gotta go talk to a few, um, policy runners.
Think you can handle the phones?
Ha! Does Jimmy Carter have teeth?
All right.
Right. We'll be back as soon as we can, huh?
All right.
Let's go, Leon.
Have no fear.
Wherever you go,
Brother J shall come through
win, place, or show.
All right.
Take it slow.
Okay, later on.
Well, well, well.
Alone at last.
Boy, with this high pile in here,
this is something else.
Feet, enjoy yourselves.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
Ah, the telephon-o.
Yello.
Yeah, $20 on Steel Beauty?
Yeah, he's a long shot, all right.
He ain't even in the race.
Yeah, he been scratched.
I don't know why.
Maybe he came down with the swine flu.
[SECOND TELEPHONE RINGS]
All right, got you.
On the nose.
Yello.
Yeah, 50 bucks on Yellow Angel?
Yeah. Oh, definitely.
He goes off at 10 to one.
Yeah, that's too bad,
because other horses leave at a quarter to one.
[FIRST TELEPHONE RINGS]
All right, got it.
Fifty on the head.
Yello.
Yeah.
Three No Starch.
Wash Their Buttons.
Pick It Up on Thursday.
Wait a minute, these horses ain't in the race.
No, man,
this ain't Wong Long Fat's Chinese Hand Laundry.
Hold it right there. This is a bust.
A bust!
Don't you play dumb with me.
Up against the wall. Spread 'em.
I'm telling you, you got the wrong man.
And you got the wrong cook.
When was the last time you ate?
J.J.'s swallowing the whole thing,
hook, line, and sinker.
Yeah, and old Fred's putting on a great act, too.
I'm telling you, I ain't never
been in this apartment before in my life.
Then what are you doing here now?
Uh, I was making a delivery
for a takeout joint.
In a suit?
It's a very fancy joint.
Even got an unlisted telephone number.
There's nobody here. Where's the food?
Or, uh... I ate it.
And that's when you took your shoes off.
Had to.
Japanese restaurant.
I'd have to be a total imbecile
to believe that story.
It would help.
You can cool the tap-dancing shtick, man.
I've got you nailed for gambling.
Fact is, this might be a bigger collar than I thought.
Weren't you hooked up
with Bubba Jones' floating crap game?
Wait a minute.
I don't even know any Bubba Jones,
and I ain't floated nothing
since my rubber duck drowned.
I know I've seen your face before.
That's it.
The armored car job in '63.
'63?
I was only seven years old then.
Started young, huh?
I wanna talk to Kojak.
Wait a minute.
I've got it.
Boy, have I got it. This'll make me Chief of Police.
Now I know what you did.
What did I do?
Where were you the night they broke into Watergate?
Watergate?
[SCREAMS] Ma!
Fred, Fred, you gotta stop.
I can't stand anymore.
Fred? You know him?
He's a friend, man.
You've been put on.
But, but... he had a badge.
It was real.
Ah, but he's in our pocket.
[FORCED LAUGH]
Why, I knew it was a joke all the time.
Look here, J.J.
We've had a pretty big week this week,
you know, and, um,
you've been a good brother
about this whole thing, so...
Why don't you take this little bonus here.
Go on, home.
Well, it ain't hardly little, but I'll take it.
Do you guys think
you can handle the operation
without me around?
Well, we'll try.
All right, then. Cherry-ho.
Okay.
Hey, uh, speaking of bonuses,
I think it's time for your weekly contribution
to my personal benevolent association.
Always glad to contribute.
Hey.
This bread was okay
when you guys were just into gambling,
but now that you're into chicks and dope, too...
I feel benevolent already.
Hey, uh, this new kid,
he doesn't know about the heavy stuff, does he?
LEON: J.J.?
Yeah, he just thinks we're into gambling.
Don't let him sniff too close.
Right.
Later.
Well... Ho, ho, ho, and Merry Christmas
from your ebony Santa Claus.
Here you go, Michael.
Hey, J.J., what's this?
Just open it, man.
Here you go, Thelma. Ah!
And don't worry, Ma. Yours is on the way.
J.J., what's going on?
Hey, Ma, is it against the law
for a man to buy presents for his loved ones...
Or Thelma?
Hey, this is just like Christmas.
Oh, Ma, look. A clock radio.
Yeah, Thelma, it's AM and FM,
and I got it with that special shatterproof glass,
since your face is gonna be
the first thing it sees in the morning.
Oh, wow, The Encyclopedia of Black History.
Yeah, Michael, from A to Z.
From Hank Aaron to the Zulus.
MICHAEL: Hey, thanks, J.J.
Yeah. Thank you, J.J.
Hey, it ain't no big deal.
Well, I gotta go wash up, so enjoy, enjoy.
Hey, Thelma, let me see your clock.
Hey, Ma, you don't seem
very excited about all this.
Well, I'm just
a little bit worried, Thelma.
I mean,
where is J.J. getting all this cash?
Oh, what am I saying?
He's a talented boy,
and that talent is worth a lot to somebody.
But nobody starts off in business
making that much money.
Oh, they probably gave him a big cash advance.
But why in the world would they do that?
Oh, I don't know why, and what's the difference?
J.J. is working hard, he's my son,
and I trust him.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
I got it.
Yeah. Mrs. Florida Evans?
Yes?
Yeah, I have a present here from Mr. J.J. Evans.
What?
Ooh, Ma.
Look at this!
Hey, Ma, this is outta sight.
Well, well, well.
I see it finally got here.
You know, Ma, this the best set in the whole store.
It's got that special remote control.
You can change channels in the living room
while you're changing clothes in the bedroom.
How you like it?
All right, J.J.
Where the devil
did you really get all this money?
What? You heard what I said.
Uh, like I said, Ma,
from my advertising job.
And that's all you said.
Now, what's your company's name?
Uh, name, uh, company's name?
Yes, yes.
What do they have on your paycheck?
Uh, "In God We Trust."
I get paid in cash.
An advertising company with no name?
Who are your clients?
Well, uh, we get a lot of calls
from animal lovers.
J.J., quit stalling.
Are you doing something illegal?
Ma, it's not what you think.
All I do is take a couple of bets
on horses and numbers, that's all.
That's all?
That makes you nothing more than a common hoodlum.
Hey, J.J., I don't understand you.
Michael, we needed the money.
I had to do it.
What do you mean, you had to do it?
A lot of people out of work
don't go into crime.
They just keep trying.
Come on, Ma, let's face it.
If they did a TV show about our family,
they'd call it "Poor Man, Poor Man"!
Ma, it's my fault, too.
J.J. did it so I wouldn't have to quit school to go to work.
Quit school?
Thelma, I'd take four jobs before I'd let that happen.
And I still wouldn't take a dime
of your dirty money.
Dirty money?
Ma, everybody gambles.
Life is a gamble.
That's right,
and right now, yours sure is.
Ma, people have always gambled,
and they always will.
It's the world's second- oldest profession.
What's the oldest?
You're too young to know.
Oh, that.
Ma, let's look at it this way.
I'm just providing a public service
for all those poor, unfortunate people
who can't get out to the races.
I bring the track to them.
Everything except the smell.
What about the smell
of those hoodlums you hang around with?
J.J., you should know better than that.
Don't you know that gambling
pays for everything in organized crime,
from prostitution to drugs?
A part of every dollar you take in
goes into some child's veins.
Aw, come on, Ma.
We're just a small-time operation.
I ain't the Godfather!
I mean, what we do is just a little illegal.
There's no such thing as a little illegal.
That's like being a little pregnant.
J.J... Think about what you're doing
to the black community.
Gambling is a terrible image.
Oh, yeah, Michael? Well, I think
four people living in a two-bedroom apartment
paying tomorrow's prices for yesterday's food
is a worse image.
J.J., there are two roads out of the ghetto.
So far, we have managed
to stay on the right road.
And that's what's taking us so long to get out of here.
Look, Ma, name me one dude in the projects
who got a future that ain't in the rackets.
You, because you just resigned.
Oh, no, Ma. It's my way out, and I'm gonna take it.
Then you can start by getting out of here.
Oh, now, come on, Ma. You're not being...
Ma, let's be reasonable.
And take these things with you.
Ma, you haven't even...
J.J., get the hell out of my house!
Here's your breakfast.
Uh, Ma? Maybe I should make the breakfast this morning.
What's the matter?
Don't you like the way I make oatmeal?
Uh, sure I do.
It's just that I like mine cooked.
You've got two hands.
Cook it.
You got any complaints?
No, Ma. I like mine dry.
Oh, Ma.
We just can't keep on living like this.
Ever since J.J. left... Ma, well, you've...
Well, you've been grouchy.
Grouchy?
Have I been grouchy?
I haven't noticed a thing.
Ma, why don't you see J.J,
or at least talk to him?
Not as long as he is a criminal.
Now, I've got to go to work.
And I don't wanna hear another word about J.J.
Boy, I tell you.
I've never seen Mama this mad before.
Yeah, how about last night
when she yelled at me for a half hour?
That ain't nothing.
She yelled at me for a whole hour.
Why?
For not paying attention
while she was yelling at you.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
I'll get it.
Well, something's gotta change.
J.J!
Is the coast clear?
Yeah, man, come on in.
Ooh, J.J., are we glad to see you!
Yeah, you too. How's Ma?
Not too good.
Yeah, I tried calling, but she wouldn't talk to me.
J.J., why don't you give it up and come on home?
Well, look what I got for y'all.
Top round, bottom of round,
and the eye of round.
For the next month, y'all gonna be drowned in round.
J.J., now you know.
Mama won't let us keep anything you bought.
Well, can't you hide it in the freezer?
J.J., you know our freezer.
That's like trying to hide.
Rosey Grier in a shoebox.
J.J., you didn't answer me. Why don't you come home?
Yeah, man, we need you.
Hey, Thelma, it's only till Ma comes around,
and then we can all get out of here together.
Ma's not gonna come around, and you know that.
Thelma, you know I don't like doing this
any more than you all do,
but we gotta live.
J.J., we living now.
What you do is just for yourself.
Hey, Michael,
it's only till I get out on my own.
What's wrong with that?
Well, uh,
I guess I'd better be going, then.
THELMA: J.J.?
Even though we don't agree with what you're doing,
you know we still love you, right?
Hey... That goes without saying, you know.
But it's nice to hear anyway.
Ah... ha-ha!
Too much!
[♪♪♪]
Well, Kool-Aid juleps for your two lips.
Hey, J.J.,
where's The Spinners' new album, man?
Oh, I was listening to it in my bedroom.
You've got a stereo in your bedroom, too?
Hey, it's standard equipment with my heart-shaped waterbed.
Ooh!
J.J., I didn't...
I never seen your heart-shaped bed before.
Yeah, neither has any other chick.
J.J.'s brought up here.
Saving it all for you, Mama.
Saving it all for you.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
I'll get it. I'll get it.
Hello?
You know, J.J.,
I don't know anybody that lives this good.
You about the most important person
I've ever met.
Have you ever met Isaac Hayes?
Uh-uh.
Well, then, maybe I am.
Right, right!
Okay, girls, come on.
The party's over. Let's go.
Get your stuff. Come on, baby.
Hey, wait a... Get your purses.
Hurry up.
Come on, baby. We got to go.
Wait... J.J., wait... What is this, man?
Come on, let's go.
Hey, mama, call me.
My number's in the book!
What's going down?
Look, that was Fred, man.
We getting busted tonight.
Now, Leon, you know what to do.
You ain't gonna fool me with this phony bust business again.
Look, this ain't no joke. Here, get rid of that.
You ain't gonna fool me with no little water pistol, either,
because if this was a real gun, you could open it up,
and you'd see... bullets!
You ain't jiving.
I told you I wasn't.
This is a real bust.
Now you believe me?
Yeah. Bye.
Hey, where are you going?
Well, ever since I was a kid,
I've been allergic to two things...
Chocolate and getting killed.
Look, you'll split when we do. Get rid of that.
I don't know how to get rid of no gun.
Throw it out the window.
He meant an open window.
Well, it's open now.
Take that and dump it down the disposal.
Wait a minute. What is this stuff?
Drain cleaner.
No, it's not. It's dope!
You guys never told me you were into dope.
Well, now you know, so dump it.
I want you to know I'm dumping under protest.
[STARTS GARBAGE DISPOSAL]
Ernie, we gotta get out of here.
We don't know what kind of time we've got.
Just keep cool. I'm almost done.
Police!
[GUNSHOT]
[POLICE OFFICERS YELLING]
Read him his rights downstairs.
Quite an operation they had here.
Yeah, I'll say.
Find anything?
No. If anything was here, it's gone now.
All right, let's get out of here.
Hello, Ma?
Yes, J.J.?
I wanna come home.
It's your home, son.
Thanks, Ma.
♪ Mmm...
♪ Just looking Out of the window ♪
♪ Watching the asphalt grow
♪ Thinking how It all looks hand-me-down ♪
♪ Good Times ♪ Yeah, yeah
♪ Good Times
♪ Keeping your head Above water ♪
♪ Making a wave when you can
♪ Temporary layoffs
♪ Good Times
♪ Easy credit rip-offs
♪ Good Times
ANNOUNCER: Good Times is videotaped in front of a studio audience.
♪ Good Times