♪ Good Times Any time you meet a payment ♪
♪ Good Times
♪ Any time You need a friend ♪
♪ Good Times
♪ Any time You're out from under ♪
♪ Not gettin' hassled Not gettin' hustled ♪
♪ Keepin' your head Above water ♪
♪ Makin' a wave When you can ♪
♪ Temporary layoffs
♪ Good Times
♪ Easy credit rip-offs
♪ Good Times
♪ Scratchin' and survivin'
♪ Good Times
♪ Hangin' in a chow line
♪ Good Times
♪ Ain't we lucky We got 'em? ♪
♪ Good Times
I'm all done cleaning the bathroom, Thelma.
Good. Now you can take out the garbage.
Uh-uh. That's it. So far this morning,
I've cleaned the bathroom... I did the windows...
I scrubbed the kitchen floor.
I'm going to be the only kid in the eighth grade
with housemaid's knee.
Look, Michael, I don't like it any more than you do
when Mom and Dad are gone,
but they wouldn't miss.
Aunt Rose's wedding for anything.
Yeah, Thelma, you know, this whole thing seems strange.
Aunt Rose is at least 60,
and now she finally decided to get married?
Yeah, she is kind of old, huh?
Old? She's going to go on her honeymoon in an ambulance.
[DOOR SHUTS]
What's all this chattering here?
Y'all interrupted my beauty sleep.
Well, what do you care?
It wasn't working anyway.
Oh yeah?
Look who's talking about looks.
The only girl that uses industrial strength Afro Sheen.
[MOUTHING] That's right.
Hey, J.J., where do you get off
sleeping so late while we're out here working?
Remember, Mama said to share the work.
There's been a change in the plans, Michael.
Now that Ma and Dad are out of town,
I am your new commander in chief,
and y'all are my troops.
That's right, I'm your new four-star general.
And our old five-star fool.
That's going to get you KP, gal.
Which reminds me, did you make breakfast yet?
Yeah, and you missed it.
Good, now if I play my cards right,
I'll miss lunch too.
Hey, J.J., you know Mom and Dad are going to be away
for the whole weekend.
You're going to get awfully hungry.
Au contraire, Buck Private Miguel.
As your new commanding officer,
I also am now in charge of the menu.
What?
That's right, and from now on,
we ain't having nothing but hamburgers, pancakes,
waffles and chicken.
Hey, I can't make all that stuff.
You never could.
We're going out to eat.
Hey, J.J., where we going to get the money from?
We're going to use that $20 that Ma and Dad left us.
But that's for emergencies only.
Well, the only choice we have now is Thelma's cooking,
which makes this an emergency.
Well, I've got the $20, and we're not using it for food.
Uh, Thelma, look here.
If I want the money, I will take the money.
Well, you just try.
All right, gal, you asking for it.
Get her, Michael!
[ARGUING]
You big chicken.
[BOTH ARGUING]
You are a chicken!
Why don't y'all be cool?
I don't know why you're always fighting about looks.
You know, looks aren't everything.
At least I hope not, for your sakes.
I've had enough of this foolishness.
I'm taking the TV set into my bedroom.
Hold on, J.J.
What do you mean, your bedroom?
We agreed to share Mom and Dad's bedroom,
and tonight is my night.
Ah, there's been a slight change in the plans, Michael.
Now, that's not fair to Michael, now.
But Thelma, it's a good lesson.
Michael, life is full of disappointments.
Yeah, that's what Ma and Dad said the day you were born.
You stay out of this, Thelma.
You've always had your own bedroom.
Yeah, because I'm a woman.
All the votes are not in on that yet.
Hey, J.J., you're not going to get away with this,
because I'm going to tell Mom and Dad
the minute they get home.
And if you do, I'll tell them
that you have a dirty magazine in your book bag.
J.J., there's no dirty magazine in my book bag.
There will be.
But that's blackmail.
I prefer to call it "brownmail."
[ALL ARGUING]
Hi, y'all.
Hey, hey, hey.
End of Round One.
Back to your neutral corners.
Aw, Willona, we just having
a little family discussion.
Your family told me to watch you for the weekend,
and you promised me you wouldn't be hassling, right?
Don't worry, I'm watching the children.
Oh, good.
And we ain't doing anything we wouldn't do
if Ma and Dad was here.
Yeah, J.J. always stays out till 2 in the morning
like he did last night.
Ahh.
J.J.
Thanks a lot, moose mouth.
Look here, Willona,
I can explain this whole thing.
Well, come on. I'm waiting.
I can sum it up in three words.
Francine the Furnace.
J.J., I don't want to hear no more about that, okay?
Yeah, Willona.
And, uh, how'd you know I was out
till 2:00 in the morning, anyway?
She probably heard you.
She didn't get in till 1:30 herself.
WILLONA: Thelma.
Well, Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm has finally stepped in it.
All right, gal, we waiting for an explanation.
Well, uh... A likely story.
Well, you know how it is, Willona.
Larry and I had a little fight, so...
Yeah, well, y'all must have made up
by the time he kissed you good night,
because I sure didn't hear much fighting then.
Michael, was you up at 1:30 in the morning?
Uh, well... Come over here.
Now, listen.
I am responsible for you kids for the weekend, right?
And I will not have you running around the streets
all hours of the night.
Do you understand that?
I said, do you understand that?
KIDS: Yeah, Willona.
All right, now.
And, uh, Willona?
You won't relate
this small, insignificant incident
to Ma and Dad, will you?
Well, I'm warning you.
If I hear one more hassle out of any one of you kids,
I'm going to tell everything I know.
You don't have to worry about us, Willona.
We'll make the Waltons look like the Hell's Angels.
Well, that's good, because I will be back.
Bye, children.
ALL: Bye, Willona.
Bye-bye.
[ARGUING]
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
ALL: I got it! I got it!
Ha, ha.
Hello.
Oh, uh, hi, Mary Ann.
If y'all don't mind, this is personal and private.
Don't be pushing on me.
Hello.
Yes, Mary Ann.
Why, certainly you can come over.
Of course I'm alone.
Uh, that was just the maid.
Okay, I'll see you in a little while.
"Say-ru-nara."
Hey, J.J., what's going on?
Boy, Michael, you look terrible.
What?
You need some sun.
You got to get out and walk around the block.
Six or seven hours, maybe. You're in terrible shape.
And Thelma, you can't let him go alone in this condition.
You got to go with him.
Wait a minute, J.J., what are you doing?
That wasn't Mary Ann Thomas on the phone, was it?
Uh, so what if it was?
I used to go out with her.
Well, not since she's been going out steady
with the captain of the football team.
And what's she want to see you for?
Well, maybe she's getting tired of all those field goals
and wants to score a touchdown!
Uh, well, we're not leaving this house
just so you can be alone with Mary Ann Thomas.
That's right.
But Thelma, she just wants to talk to me in private,
that's all.
It's the truth.
I mean, couldn't you take Michael
to the zoo or something like that.
Maybe see some of the orangutans,
some of the kangaroos, the cute little "koaly" bears.
You know I shouldn't do this, because I know
all you're going to do is just get us into more trouble.
Oh, no, I won't, Thelma. Please?
Do it for your older brother.
You know that I would do the same thing for you.
Tsk.
All right.
Now, just this one time, hear?
Come on, Michael.
I ain't going nowhere.
What do you mean, you ain't going nowhere?
Don't worry, J.J.
I'll leave, but for a price.
A price? What price?
Well, let me see.
I get the TV.
I get the bedroom tonight, and you get the dinner dishes.
Michael, that's blackmail.
No, it ain't, J.J.
I prefer to call it "brownmail."
Aw, man, just get on... Hey, don't push.
Don't push. Don't push now.
[KNOCKING]
Unless you don't want me to leave.
Hi, Mary Ann. Hey, J.J.
Hi, Mary Ann.
Hey, Mary Ann, what's happening?
They was just leaving.
Have a good time, and a long one.
Get on out of here, yeah.
Well, well, well.
Alone at last.
Aw, listen, J.J., now, I got to talk to you.
Aw, now, come on, sweetheart, let's not rush things.
Have a little drinky-poo first.
How about a Kool-Aid cocktail?
J.J., this is important, now.
I ain't got time for that.
Oh, wow, want to skip the preliminaries, huh?
J.J., shut up, now.
I got something to tell you.
Hey, lighten up, sweetheart.
Can't be that serious.
Well, it is, and it's all your fault.
What's my fault?
What I got to tell you.
What's that?
Well, it ain't easy.
Oh, now, come on, sweet thing.
You know you can tell me anything.
Okay.
See, J.J...
I got VD, and you the one who gave it to me.
I can't believe this is happening.
I mean, this only happens to other people.
Wait a minute.
To other people, I am other people!
I've just got to calm down here,
think this thing out logically.
Yeah. I just... Ah.
I feel better already.
Now, what was that trouble I was considering?
Wow, I can't even remember.
Can't be that important.
Oh, yeah, I got VD.
I got VD!?
Oh, no.
Why couldn't it be something else?
Measles, mumps, Dutch elm disease?
Wait a minute.
I gotta talk to somebody about this.
That's what I'll do.
I'll call them.
I'll tell them that I have VD...
I can't do that.
Wait a minute, now.
I'm going crazy.
All this stuff is going to my head.
Going to my head?
That's the first sign!
I'll get the family medical encyclopedia.
Yeah, they'll have it in there.
That's what I'll do.
The whole thing...
I'll straighten it out right here.
What's this... T, U, V. Here it is.
[DOOR OPENING]
All of it'll make me sick.
Hey, where's Mary Ann?
Who?
Mary Ann.
She was here when we left.
Oh, uh, she split.
Well, J.J., she sure didn't stay very long.
Who?
Mary Ann.
Hey, J.J., what's wrong? You acting kind of weird.
Did she give you some bad news or something?
No, uh, actually, I gave it to her.
What kind of bad news can you give Mary Ann Thomas?
Believe me, Thelma, it's bad news.
Now, leave me alone.
I got to think about this.
Hold on, J.J.
If you got a problem, why don't you tell us?
Maybe we can help you.
Yeah, that's a good idea.
Michael... Yeah?
I... I wish you were older.
Thelma... Yeah?
I wish you were my brother.
Hey, J.J., what you doing with this medical book?
You sick?
Hey, man, leave that alone.
Hold on, J.J.
Hey, J.J., you got VD?
You got what?
Uh, what makes y'all say a thing like that?
Because there are only two things on this page,
and I know you're not going to get a vasectomy.
J.J., you got VD?
You don't have to broadcast it on the 6:00 news.
Michael. Leave the room.
But Thelma, I can help.
We learned this in sex education.
I know all about VD.
You do? Yeah.
Thelma, leave the room.
Hold on. I'll go get my textbook.
J.J., are you sure you got it?
I mean, there's only one way to get it, you know?
J.J.!
Whew. Well, who is she?
None of your business.
Well, who could she be?
Not Mary Ann Thomas?
Ooh, Mary Ann Thomas?
Sweet little Mary Ann Thomas?
Ooh!
Thelma, will you shut up?
You sound like a wounded cow.
[DOOR SHUTS]
Hey, J.J., I got it.
Are you ready?
Yeah, go ahead. Read it, man.
"Despite all the myths about VD,
it can only be caught through sexual contact."
Ooh.
Michael, will you go ahead and read the thing?
Well, "If detected in time and treated properly,
VD is 100 percent curable."
Well, see, now, that's the answer.
We got to get to a doctor right away.
I can't afford to go to a doctor.
Even doctors can't afford to go to doctors.
Hey, J.J., you don't have to pay.
Hey, it says here that.
"The public health department
"gives free treatment
in every major city in the country."
Maybe if I take some aspirin it will go away.
J.J., it won't go away.
You may lose the symptoms,
but you'll still have the disease,
and that can turn into heart disease, blindness,
mental illness, and it can even be fatal.
If Ma and Dad find out about it, it will be fatal.
But J.J., they don't have to find out about it.
In Illinois and most other states,
a doctor can treat anyone over the age of 11 for VD
without their parents' permission.
See, J.J., there's nothing to think about.
It's a dangerous disease,
and you've got to get to a clinic right now.
Now, come on. Come on.
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
I'll get it.
Hello?
Oh, hi, Ma.
Ma!? No, I'm fine.
I really am. I'm fine. Everything's fine.
I'm fine, uh... Michael, tell her I'm fine.
Hello, Ma?
Yeah, J.J.'s fine.
Oh, we're getting ready to go to the doctor's office.
Uh, no, Ma.
Uh, Michael just scraped his knee
and we ran out of iodine, but I'm fine. I really am.
I'm fine.
Uh, Thelma, tell her I'm fine.
Here you go, girl. Take this thing.
Hi, Ma?
Oh, yeah, uh-huh, everything's okay.
Uh-huh.
H-how's the wedding?
Oh, that's good.
Hey, Ma caught the bride's bouquet.
That ain't nothing compared to what J.J. caught.
Hey, what's the matter?
I can't go in there.
I'm too embarrassed.
J.J., you should have thought of that before.
"Don't do the crime if you cannot do the time."
J.J., will you get on in there?
MICHAEL: Yeah!
Can I help you?
Uh... yeah.
I'd like to see a doctor about... a minor ailment.
Okay.
I'll need your name, address,
and the nature of your ailment.
Yeah, uh, James Evans, Jr.,
963 North Gilbert,
and I want to see a male nurse.
We don't have one.
What is the nature of your ailment?
The nature of my ailment.
Oh, wait a minute.
Am I in a clinic?
Oh, wow.
I must be sleepwalking again.
Ha ha ha. Pardon me.
It's been a little faux pas on my part.
These things happen every once in a while.
No big deal.
I'll see you later. All right.
Uh, it'll be a few more minutes.
Uh, now, where were we?
What is the nature of your ailment?
Uh, I got... [WHISPERS]
Well, why didn't you say so?
That's nothing to be ashamed of.
Just take a seat.
The doctor'll be with you in a minute.
Uh, anybody sitting here?
No.
What are you here for?
Uh, I got a... a cold.
A cold? That's funny.
Everybody else is here for VD.
That must have been some party.
No, man, these people don't know each other.
Where you been, out of the country?
VD's an epidemic.
But, because of the way you get it,
a lot of people are afraid to admit they've got it.
That's simply ridiculous.
Of course it is.
A germ's a germ, ain't it?
I mean, really, what's the difference
between VD and your cold?
Very little.
James Evans, Jr?
Uh, yeah, right here.
Would you step in here, please?
Yeah.
Step right in, please.
Mr. Evans, I want to thank you for coming in.
Huh?
Oh, you'd be surprised
how few people who suspect they have VD
will even seek treatment,
and VD's the biggest problem with kids around your age.
But I thought it was an older person's disease.
Oh, no. Not at all.
The next biggest group to get it are kids younger than you.
Matter of fact, it's so out of control now
that one out of five high school students
will get VD before they graduate.
And I guess the other four get it after they graduate.
Just about.
A-and it's not the bad guy's disease anymore, either.
Anyone can get it, and they do.
Look, the best way to prevent VD
is to not mess around in the first place,
but if the people who do would just come in
and take the tests, why,
we could wipe it out in no time at all.
Are you ready for your tests?
Is it going to hurt?
Not a bit.
Well, then, what are we waiting for?
They've been in there for almost two hours.
When are they going to be done?
Michael, they have to wait for the test results.
Oh, hi, Mary Ann.
Thelma.
Uh, J.J.'s in there getting his test now.
Oh, well, it's about time he did something to get cured.
Hey, gang. I don't have it.
Mary Ann.
What do you mean, you don't have it?
I don't have it. I never did. You were wrong.
But that's impossible. You have to have it.
But I just took the test. See?
Oh, no.
Oh, I can't believe this.
But Mary Ann, like I told you...
J.J., let me talk to her.
Mary Ann, J.J. doesn't have it.
Now, I know you hate to admit this to yourself,
but that means that someone you came in contact with does.
But... but see, Thelma,
there's only been one other person,
and... And we're going to get married.
We're engaged to get married.
Well, maybe he doesn't know he has it.
Mary Ann, it has to be him.
But, Thelma, we're engaged.
Now how am I going to tell him?
Well, the worst thing you can do is not tell him.
J.J., I'm sorry
for putting you through all this.
No, I'm glad you did.
If I'm sick,
I want to be amongst the first to know about it.
Thanks, Thelma. Um...
I'm going to go in here and get my follow-up exam,
and then I'm going to have a huddle
with a certain football player.
I'll see you.
Well, gang, I owe y'all a lot
for bringing me down here like you did.
Don't be silly. We love you.
Yeah, man.
Well, I learned one thing from this.
I'm not going to be involved in love anymore.
It ain't nothing but trouble.
Come on, let's go.
Hello there, Mama!
[♪♪♪♪♪]
♪ Mmm
♪ Just lookin' Out of the window ♪
♪ Watching The asphalt grow ♪
♪ Thinkin' how It all looks hand-me-down ♪
♪ Good Times Good Times ♪
♪ Keepin' your head Above water ♪
♪ Makin' a wave When you can ♪
♪ Temporary layoffs
♪ Good Times
ANNOUNCER: Good Times is recorded on tape
before a live audience.