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Michael, get down from there.
J.J., honey, it isn't time for the news yet.
You've still got 10 minutes.
Yeah, Ma, but you know how long it takes
for this set to warm up...
five minutes for the picture and sound to come on,
three minutes to keep it from slipping down,
two minutes to focus it,
and two minutes to say a silent prayer
the whole thing didn't blow up on us.
Come on, the set isn't that old.
Now, Ma, you've got to be jiving...
that set's so old,
it still shows Jackie Gleason on Saturday nights.
Has it started yet? Did I miss anything?
Oh, simmer down, Thelma. Nothing has happened yet.
I want you to put
the potato chips and the popcorn in some bowls
and set it in front of the TV set.
Okay, Ma.
Potato chips and popcorn... Wow!
It ain't every day that your daddy is on TV.
To tell you the truth,
I'm getting a little excited myself.
Yeah, I can just hear it now,
This is Walter Cronkite and here is what's happening.
The biggest story today
takes place right here in Chicago.
The windy city's foremost carwash expert,
James Evans, Sr., father of James Evans, Jr...
and two other incidental children...
J.J...
Found a paper bag that contained $27,000.
The money was the loot
from the Bargain Supermarkethold-up.
Oh, quit clowning, J.J.
Your daddy did a very wonderful thing
in returning that money,
and we all should be very proud of him.
Mama, Daddy wasn't really too anxious
to give the money back, was he?
What are you talking about, Michael?
I heard you all talking about it last night.
Daddy said, "Ain't no way I'm giving that money back."
And you said, "But James, you've got to."
Then Daddy said, "I do?"
Then you said, "Ain't no other way, James."
Then Daddy said, "Okay."
Then you said, "That's my James."
Then after that, I didn't hear no more talking.
Well, your daddy may have had a few moments' doubt,
but he knew right from wrong.
All I know is that if I would have found that money,
I'd have walked right into the bank,
and said, "My long lost uncle just kicked the bucket...
"and he left me a bundle,
so point me to the new accounts department."
J.J., that money was stolen,
and if you start talking about uncles kicking buckets,
Uncle Sam will kick your bucket
and your new accounts department will be San Quentin.
Flo, are you ready for this?
James is in all the papers. They got a picture of him.
Oh, a picture.
Oh, my, children, don't your daddy look handsome?
Oh, one thing bothers me, though.
What?
He should have had a better crease in his pants.
Ma, you can't even see his pants.
It's from the waist up.
Honey, a man as handsome and as famous as your daddy is,
he deserves a better crease in his pants.
Hey, check out what it says under his picture,
"Portrait of an Honest Man."
Right on, Daddy.
Hmm, it would be better if it said,
"Portrait of the Shrewd Dude That Kept the $27,000."
Lord, you'd be surprised,
a lot of people think that way.
Today, a lady walked into the boutique and she said,
"You a friend of the Evans family,
"the one that found that $27,000
and gave it back?"
I said, "Yes, I am."
She said, "Well, do me a favor,
and tell them for me I think they stupid."
Well, I hope you told her off.
I did better than that,
I sold her a pair of pantyhose
two sizes too small.
Honey, she'll be twisted out of shape
like the Hunchback of Notre Dame.
[EXPLOSION]
Hey, what's that?
That's the TV set.
TELEVISION: Gunfight in the High Country, tomorrow's matinee movie.
Coming up next, the 6:00 News.
That's my seat!
Put your seat in another seat!
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
Here is the 6:00 News.
We know it's the 6:00 News. Just bring on daddy.
On the national front,
there was more talk on Capitol Hill today
on pending legislation on Gerald Ford's...
Oh, Michael, turn that down.
We know what happened in the nation today.
Food prices are up, clothing prices are up,
unemployment is up, and in Washington,
they ain't got down to the ups that's keeping us down.
Ain't that a sight? James on TV!
Girl, I can't wait.
Whoo-wee!
And this is only the beginning...
from here it goes into his own series,
Little House in the Ghetto.
J.J., they already got a show, Little House on the Prairie.
Yeah, but if they don't do something
about the ghetto pretty soon, this going to be a prairie.
I just had a horrible thought.
What, Ma?
I hope James don't wear his pants on TV.
Ma!
I mean, I hope he don't show his pants on TV.
Oh, Ma, don't worry about the creases.
He'll look great. You'll see.
This set's so old, even the faces got creases.
Don't you all worry about nothing,
because when James gets that reward,
you can buy a brand-new color TV.
You think they really going to give him a nice reward?
Sure, why are they making all this fuss
if it ain't for money?
Michael, turn the set back up.
Maybe they're up to the local news.
Okay, Ma.
And the question is whether Congress can
override the expected veto. On the local front,
the big human interest story is about James Evans.
He found a sack of money,
part of the haul from a robbery at Bargain Supermarket.
The sack contained $27,000.
Yeah, I counted every penny of it personally
as it left this house.
Mr. Bargain, President of the supermarket chain,
is here in the studio with Mr. Evans
to personally congratulate him
on his honesty in returning the money.
Here come your daddy!
Here he comes!
Mr. Evans, may I congratulate you on your honesty.
Thank you.
It is in times such as these
that we would do well to dwell on
the positive aspects of our lives
rather than on the negative.
Our first gesture of appreciation
is this plaque,
which the Bargain supermarket
wishes to present to you.
Thank you.
You know, someone once said
that an honest man is the noblest...
FLORIDA: Thank the Lord for not showing his pants.
THELMA: See Ma, I told you.
Thank you.
Come on, man, give him the plaque,
and let's get on to the reward.
...And I find it encouraging indeed
that the common American man
has not lost his great sense of morality.
Hey, everybody.
Later man. We're watching Dad on TV.
Daddy!
James, oh, honey, what are you doing here
when you're still there?
Oh, that's what they call a delayed tape.
They did that thing over an hour ago.
But the Bargain Supermarket chain
feels that this plaque in itself
is not enough to demonstrate our gratitude.
Therefore, right after this broadcast,
we will present to you
a substantial financial reward.
How much did they give you dad?
I'll get a paper bag to put it in.
If that's not enough, I'll get a potato sack.
This is what they give me.
Oh, James, they gave you a check!
A check! A check.
Now, look again, Florida.
It's a gift certificate for $50 worth of groceries.
$50?
The way they rip you off at Bargain Supermarket,
$50 ain't going to even buy you
$10 worth of groceries.
I know it's a little bit disappointing,
but I still think we did the right thing
in sending it back.
Yeah, I know,
you kept me up half the night convincing me.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
Hello?
Yes, this is Mrs. Evans.
What?
Well, we thought returning it
would be the only right thing to do.
Well, what a disgusting thing to say.
What do you know...
Yeah, this is James Evans talking.
You got something to say, you can say it to my face.
Yeah, well, come around here and say that, man.
I'll have you on soup and mashed bananas
for the rest of your life.
That's all I need is some fool calling me up
telling me I'm crazy for turning the money back in.
Oh, James, it ain't everybody is that sick.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
Don't answer it. J.J.
Hello?
Goodbye.
Oh, ma, is this what it's going to be like?
No, no, no sweetheart. This will pass.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
Now give me... What the hell you want?
Oh.
It's for you, babe. It's Reverend Gordon.
Hello, Reverend.
Oh, no. James didn't mean nothing by that.
Oh, you saw the news on TV?
Yeah, he done heard about the generous reward.
Now he looking for his cut for the church.
James, please.
Well, no, Reverend,
why it would be no trouble at all.
We'd like for you to come over. We want to see you.
Just come right on by.
Oh, that just about makes my day,
that jack leg.
He probably tell you
how much better it is to give than to receive.
Yeah, especially when you doing the giving
and he doing the receiving.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
Hello?
The same to you, goodbye.
I don't know, but I think
we just got cussed out in a foreign language.
Will you let me answer the next phone call,
because I've got some choice words
I haven't used in years.
[KNOCKING]
Now what?
FLORIDA: Oh, my God!
What is that?
Here's another dummy
for the dummy family that gave back all that money.
Damn!
James, please.
Now don't give me none of that "James, please," Florida.
First, it was that lousy gift certificate,
then them stinking phone calls,
now somebody got my daughter all upset,
it makes me damn glad I did what I did.
What'd you do, James?
James, I hope you didn't do nothing you'll be sorry for.
The only thing I'm sorry for is that I didn't do it bigger.
James, what did you do?
You want to know what I did?
I'll show you what I did... This is what I did.
Oh, my...
Yeah, there was $29,000 in that sack...
I kept that
before I gave back the rest of the money.
Well, what you all looking at?
All I did was take the reward in advance
that he wasn't going to give me in the first place.
Yeah, I kept $2,000 of the money.
Dad, how could you do a thing like that,
keeping that $2,000?
You should have gave that back and kept the rest!
James, this money, it ain't ours.
No, you wrong, baby, it wasn't, but it is now.
Honey, that's a crime.
Yeah, well, then I just have to ask for a pardon.
Well, I can't really blame James.
Bargain's is
the biggest rip-off in the community.
He sells us yesterday's groceries
at next week's prices.
Willona, you sticking up for stealing?
I'm not sticking up for stealing,
I'm sticking up
for sticking it into the dudes
that stuck it into James.
Later.
See you, kids.
Well, I'm on Dad's side, too,
but it ain't got nothing to do
with the black community.
It's got to do with that green community
lying on that table.
A fine example you're setting for your kids, James.
I ain't saying what I did was right.
I know what I did,
but it's time these kids found out
what the world is really like.
You and Ma have always taught us
about honesty.
What would the world be like
if everybody did this, Daddy?
Thanks, baby.
Well, Thelma,
that's what makes the world go 'round.
I mean, that's how it works,
and when in Rome, do as the Romans do.
Oh, James...
All I did was just let a little money roam into my hands.
[KNOCKING]
Don't answer it, J.J.
Don't worry, I'll handle it.
I ain't afraid.
Who is it?
Ernie and Fred, man.
No problem. Two of my main men from school.
Hey, what's up?
Can we rap to you for a minute, man?
Sure.
Yeah, the word's out that you and your folks
are holding kind of heavy.
We're wondering if we can float a loan,
you know, for a good cause, namely, us.
My folks ain't got the money.
They gave all that money back.
Yeah, man, but you got a big, fat reward.
We heard it on the TV.
Yeah, but... Come on... Yeah, your crib
is the Fort Knox of the projects.
Hey, what you saying, brother.
So long as you all so easy
about dealing away your bread,
suffer a little our way, huh?
Yeah, all you got to do
is ask one of your lame-brained folks
to lay some of that loot on us. Yeah, man.
We want some of that bread, man!
Was that about the money, Junior?
Yeah, Dad.
Come on, son.
Damn!
More trouble, James?
Two slammed doors equal trouble.
James, there isn't one word you could say
that'll make me want to keep that money.
No?
How about hunger, baby?
We been there, you know?
We got a lot more use for that money
than people down in that jive supermarket.
James,
I wouldn't have their guilty consciences,
not for all their money.
Yeah, and they wouldn't take our income
for your good conscience.
Honey, we get by.
Yeah, well I'm tired of getting by.
I want to get over for a change.
James, what you doing?
I'm going to show you how we getting by, baby.
James, what are you doing? No, come on,
I'm going to show you how we getting by.
I done had enough of getting by.
James, I tell you, listen to me, now.
What are you doing?
James, where are you going?
I'm going to show you where I'm going.
You want to know how we getting by?
That's how we getting by, baby.
Me working two jobs, you working now and again,
and what we got?
Look at this money over here.
You know what this means to Bargains?
About as much as 10 cents does to me.
I mean, hell, even less.
But James, please...
No, come on, Florida. No more "please."
I want you to see how we're getting by.
Dad's doing the spring cleaning
a little early this year.
You better be quiet, or he'll clean up on you, too.
Now, this is it, baby.
Throw in whatever else the kids got
and that's all we own.
But there's still no reason
for us keeping it, James.
[KNOCKING]
Now, don't nobody move.
I'm going to deal with this one.
See, this might be another one of them friendly calls.
What the hell do you want?
James!
You're bending the Reverend Gordon.
I'm sorry, Rev.
Uh, hello.
How do you do, Reverend?
I'm so sorry.
Hello, children.
Hi, Reverend. Hi, Reverend.
Hello, Reverend.
I see the Lord has been good to you.
Yeah, he helped one who helped himself.
Oh, James,
quoting Scriptures for your own ends
ain't going to do no good.
I assume this is the reward they gave you
for your unselfish act?
Yes. No.
How about yes and no?
No, they wasn't going to give me nothing, Rev,
so I just helped my damn self.
But he's going to give it back.
Isn't that the right thing to do, Reverend?
Perhaps.
Give it back, Rev?
$2000 to that jive rip-off supermarket?
Now, I ask you, Reverend,
would God want me to give it back?
Perhaps.
But what else would a good man do
but give it back?
Isn't that the answer, Reverend?
Perhaps.
Now, good is measured in many ways,
Sister Evans.
Yeah, like maybe a piece of this action
being a donation to the church, huh, Rev?
Perhaps.
Oh, James,
the church don't want no dirty money.
A few more perhapses and he going to get it.
It isn't so much the money or the source,
Mrs. Evans, but what can be done with it.
Now, some of this money
can fill a lot of hungry bellies.
But with stolen money, Reverend?
But is it stolen money or did James find it?
Could this be God's way of providing?
Now, James did what he thought was right,
and it wasn't.
No doubt about it, it was wrong,
but if some of that money were to come to the church,
which would be greater, the old wrong or the new right?
God does work in mysterious ways.
Yes, Lord.
Amen, brother.
You know something, baby?
The Reverend got a point,
that money can do a lot of good right here.
Believe me, James,
that kind of money can't do us no good.
Michael, that $2,000
gets you that much closer to law school.
How about you, Junior?
How about painting on canvas
instead of cardboard for a change, huh?
Yeah.
And Thelma, wouldn't you like
to go to a real nice school
for them acting and dancing lessons?
What about you, baby?
I mean, if you get sick,
how about having a chance to call a good doctor
instead of going to that jive clinic?
James, believe me,
I know there are a million and one things
this family could use,
but this is not the way.
Give it back, James, please.
For what?
So I can be poor but honest?
You make it sound like something terrible.
Well, don't it make no difference to you
how the rest of the world is running?
Forgive me, James, but this...
This is the only world that matters.
Amen to that, sister.
Now, we can do
without the heavenly cheering section, Rev.
James there is no need to lose your manners.
Yeah, well, that's about all a poor man's got left to lose.
All right, Rev, go ahead.
The money ain't brought us nothing but grief no how.
Take it.
Maybe you can do some good works with it.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Excuse me, Reverend.
My dad isn't used
to being in the upper income bracket.
The thin atmosphere did gone to his head.
You better shut up before I go to yours.
Well, what do you say, Rev?
The decision isn't mine to make, Mr. Evans.
It's yours.
He didn't seem to be much help, did he?
Uh, Dad, if you're having any trouble
making that decision,
I'll be glad to make the decision for you.
Like I said,
I'll let you make the decision.
I've already made it.
We're going to keep the money.
Dyn-o-mite!
Okay, James. You win.
Keep the money.
All right, now you're getting with it, baby.
Michael, why don't you take yourself
over to Big Daddy Williams' place?
What you talking about, Florida?
Well, I'm sure a big time operator
like Daddy Williams
could use a smart 12 year old to run numbers.
Nobody's going to suspect a little boy like that,
and Michael could pick up some real good money.
Florida, that ain't got nothing to do with this, baby.
Thelma, you remember that red dress
I made for you last year?
Yeah, Ma, but you said it was too short for me.
Well, I changed my mind.
You put it on and go downtown.
There must be an awful lot of work
a pretty little girl like you could get
in those places down in the loop.
Woman, have you lost your mind?
Don't stop me now, James.
I'm just getting down with it.
J.J., why don't you run over to the market
and get dinner for all of us?
Okay, Ma, but I don't have any money.
Oh, you don't need no money.
Just "find it."
All right, Florida, you done made your point.
I understand where you're coming from.
That means you're going to give the money back, Dad?
Yeah, that's exactly what it means, Son.
That's exactly what I was afraid of.
Thanks, James.
Honey, this family is our strength.
It don't matter
what some crazy sick people say,
as long as we do the thing
that'll keep us together.
Yeah, but you know something, Florida?
It's a cold world out there and we can't change it.
Well, maybe we can't change it, James,
but we sure can let it change us.
You're right, Ma.
Amen.
Perhaps.
Here's one for us.
You see, James,
a lot of people thought we did the right thing.
Yeah, baby.
I guess everybody out there ain't sick.
Damn, but this one is.
Well, according to the latest J.J. Poll,
that's 212 against and 63 for us.
We're catching up, though.
Oh, here's one from Reverend Gordon.
Is he for or against?
Neither.
It's a new category... "Perhaps."
[♪♪♪]
♪ Mmm
♪ Just lookin' Out of the window ♪
♪ Watching the asphalt grow
♪ Thinkin' how It all looks hand-me-down ♪
♪ Good Times Good Times ♪
♪ Keepin' your head Above water ♪
♪ Makin' a wave When you can ♪
♪ Temporary layoffs Good times ♪
ANNOUNCER: Good Times is recorded on tape
before a live audience.
♪ Ain't we lucky We got 'em ♪
♪ Good Times